I have recently proclaimed my love for Grey’s Anatomy. In the most recent episodes the leading men in the show refuse to speak to their wives because these wives haven’t done exactly what their husbands wanted. While I do support communication in relationships, I have the utmost respect for women who do what they want.
Last year the boy I had loved with all of my heart decided to ignore me to the point that if I was in front of him, he would not so much as look at me. And for an embarrassingly long time, actually until recently… maybe even a little now, I missed him. In the past year he’s had two girlfriends and looks completely in love with the most recent (facebook pictures from friends we have in common… I’m not proud)…. anywho, when I have seen him with each of these girls, I’ve backtracked a couple of hundred steps and I feel as though I’ve been kicked in the heart. As a rational lady, I say to myself, “stop being such an idiot, this guy treated you like absolute shit, and you don’t deserve that.” The thing is the being treated like shit part came out of nowhere, a complete surprise that I still don’t understand given what was there before….
But I have come to realize that I am being completely selfish and punishing myself with my scooping (facebook stalking…whatever you want to call it). If he came back to me, though the part of me that misses him would want to, I would not take him back. So why don’t I want him to move on? Perhaps because I still want to hold onto it just a bit longer, even the bad part to tell myself that if it means this much to me, it’ll mean something to him. Also, because I want him to be sorry for the way that he treated me. However, I will never hear “I’m Sorry” from him because it’s not easy to admit that you’ve terribly wronged someone. And as captain of one of the many Monsier le poo-say teams out there, I know he will never be able to. Hopefully at one time though, he at least thought about saying it. But it is also easy to romanticize the relationship once it’s gone…
Anywho, I feel that I am in the final stages of an Adele album, which makes me happy because I love her and because I have come to the realization that I never want to see him again. I will stop snooping because I’m only hurting myself.
In Grey’s the husbands finally come around and support their wives. While this boy and I were nowhere near marriage, and most likely he has long moved on, I have to accept that he will never come around.
While it may be silly and a stupid girl thing to say, we do all want to be loved and I hope to find someone in the future that will be much more of a man. In the mean-time its fun times in Spain for me. I am a much better individual after having crossed paths with this guy.
Also, I believe that communication can save a relationship, so share yourself with the person you love because they want to know what’s up or down.